03 Kathy’s Drama Llama and her fear in succeeding in setting up an online course and website
I recently had a client, Kathy, reach out to me with a message that I think so many of us can relate to. Kathy was deep in the process of building her own online course, and she was feeling that familiar, heavy weight of insecurity.
‘I’m feeling so insecure. I’m drowning in this business-building process, and my Drama Llama is screaming that I’m doing everything wrong. It’s convinced me that I need to find some kind of “magic bullet” success path—some external system or expert that can just tell me what to do—so I can stop feeling this uncertainty. I just want to feel safe.’
When I read that, I could really relate. It’s important to understand: that isn’t a failure of willpower. It’s Kathy’s Drama Llama doing its job, just in a way that feels overwhelming.
Your Drama Llama is an expert at detecting threat. When we are stepping into something new—like creating a course or starting a YouTube channel or really anything that initiates a feeling of anxiety, or stress or overwhelm or stuckness etc—we are stepping into the unknown, and the unknown feels unsafe to our nervous system. So, the Drama Llama wakes up, amplifies those uncomfortable feelings of ‘not being good enough,’ or ‘we might fail’ and starts whispering that the solution is out there, somewhere – so in Kathy’s case where she felt she couldn’t trust in herself and needed to employ lots of professionals to make her business work. It’s not that professionals can’t help her it was more she was losing all faith in herself.
Her Drama Llama was just trying to keep her safe. It was trying to steer her away from the discomfort of the unknown by pushing her toward what looks like a ‘safe, proven’ answer.
But Kathy had downloaded my free eBook, and in the middle of this spiral, she had a major realization: she recognized that her Drama Llama was just trying to pull the reins because it was scared. And the moment she recognized it—‘Oh, that’s just my Drama Llama trying to keep me safe’— she was able to stop running and start breathing.”
You see our fight, flight or freeze nervous system often will react rather than respond, and again it’s for good reason. After all you never know where the next sabre tooth tiger is, that wants to eat us. That nervous system is an ancient one and it’s designed to keep us safe, instantly. But with what Kathy was experiencing it wasn’t particularly helpful. In our modern world that nervous system can’t tell the difference between a sabre tooth and some anxiety or stress because of our current perceived dilemma. It just registers danger and says run!
So, what do we do when that Drama Llama starts whispering that you aren’t qualified, or that you need someone else to rescue you? It can plant all these insecurities to try and help you keep safe. In Kathy’s case it was saying don’t trust yourself, you’ll fail and then you’ll lose everything and the world will fall in and you will be a failure and a catastrophe! So pay mega bucks and get someone else to do it all – don’t trust yourself!
So what did Kathy do?
She used the ACE Strategy That’s A, C, E
She was able to become better AWARE and ACKNOWLEDGE Drama Llama coming into force. That’s the A in ACE – be AWARE, ACKNOWLEDGE. She was able to jump into OBSERVER role and say, ‘Okay, I’m feeling really insecure right now. My brain is searching for an external fix because it’s scared of this uncertainty.’ She could notice thoughts and feelings more. I notice I’m feeling anxious – I notice I’m feeling overwhelmed – I notice I just want to give up – I notice tension in my body. She didn’t judge herself for feeling this way, she took the stance of a curious scientist, observing those thoughts and feelings with kindness and compassion. They were normal human reactions. So then, rather that react as though there was that Sabre Tooth Tiger about to attack her – she paused for a moment and then CONNECTED with her body. That’s the C in ACE – CONNECT. It brought her back to right now rather than have Drama Llama continue with an overwhelming amount of ‘what ifs!!!!’
How did she connect with her body? She started wriggling her toes. That’s right! She wriggled her toes. Something so easy to do in the moment of high tension. Wriggle your toes. You can do it anywhere at anytime. In fact I invite you to do it right now – wriggle your toes! It’s not a distraction strategy. Beautiful Drama Llama with all the fearful ‘what ifs!’ is the distraction as though if you had an answer to everything that could possibly go wrong you’d feel as though you had more control and would feel safer. This is fine if you do have the answers but if you don’t, Drama Llama won’t give up trying to find the answers. Even 2 am in the morning seems like a really good time to find those answers! So we wriggle our toes.
Come back: Drop your anchor. A nice grounding anchor. Wriggle your toes. Feel your feet on the floor. Take a breath. Come back into your body. This is a simple, physical circuit-breaker that brings you out of the ‘what-if’ nightmare and lands you firmly back in the present moment.
And then we ENGAGE with the world around us. That’s the E in ACE. Take a moment now that you’ve come back into your body. A pause to look around you and realise you’re back right here, right now – not somewhere else Drama Llama wants to take you. Notice one thing you can see. Engage with the world. Maybe the sky, something in the room you can focus quickly on, maybe even something you can hear – a sound outside, a clock ticking. Get that sense that you’re back here, in this present moment.
This is where you reclaim your power. Instead of letting the Drama Llama push you into a frantic search for external solutions, you take one tiny, manageable action that is truly yours. In the case of Kathy it may have been writing one paragraph of her course, or filming one minute of her new video. Or maybe it could be taking a break, making a cup of tea, going for walk. It will be something far more manageable than REACTING because here we are RESPONDING which feels calmer and more manageable and more achievable.
When you do that, you aren’t just ‘working’—you’re practicing the art of being with yourself, even when things feel uncertain.”
I want you to know what ever you’re experiencing currently, fear, doubt, worry, stress, anxiety – they will be normal human feelings and thoughts that are just trying to protect you and keep you safe, they’ve probably just got a little out of hand! In the case of Kathy she increasingly learnt to trust her Karama Llama and often convince Drama Llama to go take a rest. Practising ACE regularly helped her trust that feeling you get when you are more present – right here, right now. Kathy learnt to show up, be gentle with her nervous system, and tame her Drama Llama when it tries to talk her out of her own brilliance.
If you’re feeling that insecurity today, don’t judge yourself. Take a breath, drop your anchor, do ACE – and ask yourself what one tiny, authentic action you can take right now to move forward on your path.
If you want more tools to help you get out of your head and into your life, feel free to download my FREE ebook all about taming your drama llama. It’s time to start building the life you truly deserve!