Coming Back to the Present: Softening Anxiety Without Fighting It
What Is Anxiety?
So what is anxiety? Well, such a big word, isn’t it? Anxiety.
For me, and with all the counselling experience that I’ve had, anxiety is basically a mind that is always in the future. It’s always thinking about what might happen in the future. Lots of what ifs. What if this happens? What if that happens? A lot of trying to have control over things that may happen, as though if we have control over future events, then we’re gonna feel safer. We’re gonna feel like, yup, I’ve got this.
So that generally is what anxiety is about. Something is happening in the moment that we’re not too happy about, and our mind goes forward into the future trying to find an answer to just about everything. Again, as I say, so that we can have that sense of control. We’ve got it all sorted out.
Why Do We Do That?
So why do we do that? Well, that opens up a lot of areas to explore. And I think if you watch my videos, you’ll find a very common theme with all of the approaches that I have — or the approach that I have — to all of the things that we can experience as a human being that are unfavourable, like anxiety, stress, depression, a whole range of other things that are often linked that may have a certain label to them like ADHD, etc.
Yes, you’ll find there’s a common theme there with the approach that I have with all of these.
So if we have something happening at the moment and we feel anxious, and you can sort of relate to that mind going off into the future wanting answers to everything, well, why does that happen? Why does our mind do that? Why can’t our mind just go in the present moment: “You know what, something may happen, I’m not too sure, but I don’t have the answer at the moment and that’s okay. I can do a bit of exploring if that’s going to benefit me, but otherwise if it’s worries that I can’t control in this present moment, why can’t I just accept them and go on with my life in this present moment?”
Well, it seems that we have a brain that’s designed to problem solve. So that is why we often go off into the future with lots of what ifs, as though if we have answers to the 101 things that are causing us anxiety or contributing to the anxiety, then we’re going to be okay.
Left Brain and Right Brain
Right, let’s start with the fact that very simply we have a left brain and we have a right brain. Now in Western society, most of our day we live in the left brain. It just seems to be the way our Western society is designed.
What does that mean? Well, you wake up in the morning and this beautiful left brain is like a problem-solving side of our brain, and it will operate even at a subconscious level, you could say. You wake up in the morning — what day is it? Our left brain tells us. You have a quick think about what’s on today. Your left brain tells you. Then you think about what do I need to do next? Your left brain tells you. You’re going to make breakfast. What am I going to have for breakfast? Your left brain tells you. What am I going to wear today? Your left brain tells you. So it helps us navigate through the day, which is absolutely fantastic.
Trouble is, with bigger issues that are happening in our lives, our left brain will continue to try to do the problem solving. It’s designed that way.
The Need for Safety
Now that leads me into another area of safety. You see, we are animals. At the end of the day, we’re animals. We’re born into this world and our main aim really as an animal, when you think about it, is to survive to the age of reproduction so that we can reproduce, we can have offspring, and through that process we help keep our species alive.
So if we can make it from birth to the age of reproduction and beyond (nowadays of course, many years beyond), if we can make it safely to that age, then there’s more chance we’re gonna have offspring and that will help keep our species alive. It will help us survive.
So from an evolutionary point of view, that is the main reason why we think. It helps us problem solve. It helps us strategize. It helps us reduce things down. It helps us answer things. And all in the aim of helping us survive.
You’d be surprised how particularly that left brain is constantly scanning our surroundings, making sure we are safe. Even if you’re out walking, we’re scanning. As soon as you see something a little bit strange, perhaps a person acting oddly, our left brain kicks in because it says, “Are we safe?” And so we can get that little bit of an anxiety attack or we’re just on higher alert. That’s what the left brain is designed to do.
And as I was mentioning, with these bigger stories that happen in our lives, it doesn’t switch off. It’s just trying to problem solve all the time. Even at three o’clock in the morning, it seems like a really good idea for our left brain to try and problem solve.
When Worry Becomes Dysfunctional
Now, what sort of things am I talking about? Well, it could be a myriad of things. Think of the stressful world that we live in nowadays. I know so many of my clients have money-related issues. They may have a job that’s not going well, or they’ve been made redundant, or next week they’ve got a performance review and they’re worried about that.
Now, on the one level, worrying about things that are out of our control or may happen is a perfectly normal human reaction. It all ties in with that need for safety, okay? So worry on the one hand is perfectly normal. It’s part of being an animal. It’s part of being a human being with this brain that we’ve got.
But it becomes dysfunctional when it starts to affect the quality of our life in the present moment. And what that means is it detracts from our ability to live fully right here, right now.
You may have noticed if you do have an issue — say a work-related issue, a health-related issue, a relationship difficulty, a whole range of issues that don’t have immediate answers but are having the effect on us of causing us worry and anxiety — then in those situations that beautiful left brain jumps in and tries to problem solve, as though if we had the answers right here, right now, it’s going to be okay. We’re more under control, and getting back to that safety aspect, we’re going to feel more safe within ourselves.
And of course, evolutionary, as I was saying, that sort of all ties in with this brain that wants to get to the age of reproduction and beyond as safely as possible. So that’s what our mind is doing all the time.
Meet the Drama Llama
And so this whole concept of “Tame the Drama Llama” — I call that mind that’s constantly going and going and going. “What if this happens? What if that happens? What’s the answer to this?” etc., etc. I call that the drama llama.
Now, drama llama is a beautiful thing. It’s just trying to help us, okay. It’s trying to find answers to everything. Again, as I say, as though if we have answers to everything, we’re going to feel safer and more in control.
And as I say, with these issues that we have in our lives at the moment that don’t have answers, drama llama does not give up, as you know. Two o’clock in the morning, three o’clock in the morning — what’s the answer? What if this happens? What if that happens? Why did this happen? Why did that person say that? What’s the diagnosis going to be with that medical condition that I’ve got? Am I going to be okay? Am I going to live to be much older? What about the relationship difficulty? Is it over? What do I do? I don’t know. What’s it going to be like to be alone?
The psychobabble, as I call it, continues, continues. And from the left brain’s perspective, it’s almost like when it gets out of hand and a bit dysfunctional, it seems like from the left brain’s point of view, if we just stay awake for 24 hours a day for seven days a week, at the end of that seven days we’re going to have an answer to everything. But of course we’d be physically exhausted and probably, wow, just chaotic. So that’s what the left brain does.
The Right Brain: Karma Llama
Now the right brain is a beautiful part of us. The right brain is our bigger picture. It’s like the wise self. I call it karma llama. It has that ability of when we are being triggered with something like anxiety, it has that ability to be able to go, “Hang on a second, let’s step back. Let’s look at the bigger picture. What is happening here? What are some other options available to us?” And so it can explore those options.
And in an ideal world, many people say that study the left brain, right brain — if we just trusted the right brain more, it could come up with some pretty good options and then tell the left brain, which is, you know, that action one, the problem solver that knows how to do things, “Okay, go ahead and do this option.”
But instead, most of us live in that left brain. And so what happens is we’re just in that constant side of our brain that goes, “What’s the answer? What’s the answer? Find it now, find it now,” without necessarily looking at other options.
So if we can tap into that right brain, well, life becomes a whole lot more manageable. It doesn’t get rid of all of the signs of a bit of anxiety or worry, but it helps us manage them a whole lot better.
The Body’s Response: Fight, Flight, Freeze
Now that’s the brain side of things. We often feel it in our body, don’t we, if we’re a bit anxious over something. Well, that’s our fight, flight, freeze response. We call it the autonomic nervous system. That apparently is one of the oldest nervous systems that we’ve got. It was there before we had this ability to develop this problem-solving thinking brain. And that was designed to keep us safe as well.
Remember we’re animals — it’s all about getting to the age of reproduction and beyond so that we can keep our offspring going. Well, we can have offspring so that that gives us more chance to help the species survive, whether we like it or not.
So the autonomic nervous system, it kicks in whenever we are worried about something, sort of like the left brain and the autonomic nervous system working together somehow. If one’s stressed, the other one picks up on it, etc.
So our autonomic nervous system is designed that when it senses that we aren’t safe, physiologically, biologically with our body, things kick in without us even knowing. Our heart rate increases, blood pressure increases, blood flow to the arms and legs increases, adrenaline gets pumped around the body, stress hormones, even blood supply to non-important parts of our body if we are not safe. The blood flow to those areas like digestion, digesting our food, decreases. So that means there’s more blood going to our arms and legs in case we have to stay and fight.
So that’s what happens with our body. That’s why when you’re really anxious, you really notice it in your body — tension, a heart pounding, you can feel nauseous. The mind’s going at 100 miles an hour. What if, what if, what if?
So that to me is what anxiety is. And again, if we are kind to ourselves, it’s all about understanding that is what our body does. That is what it’s designed to do.
From Saber-Tooth Tigers to Modern Stress
Now from an evolutionary perspective, that was beautiful. Back in the days when the world was a lot more physically unsafe, like there’s the poor old saber-tooth tiger. I say the poor old saber-tooth tiger because I’m always picking on it. It loves eating people.
So, you know, if we’re cave people walking around and we’re with our clan and we see one of our members… but just before that happened, we hear the loud roar of a saber-tooth tiger. And then the next thing we see one of our members of our clan being eaten by a saber-tooth tiger, we just associate the loud roar with not being safe. And that’s when the autonomic nervous system will kick in. The next time we experienced that loud roar, it kicks in, bang, instantly. And all of those things happen — increase blood flow, blood pressure, etc., etc. And we are out of there.
And back in cave people days, next thing we’re in a cave, puffing and panting. Maybe our left brain was starting to develop then. So we had no idea how we got there, but we are a little bit safer. That’s what it’s designed to do. It will kick in before your left brain starts to process things.
I mean, think of that. If you were anywhere and you heard a loud explosion, before your brain has the ability to think, your fight, flight or freeze response, the autonomic nervous system has kicked in and you’ll notice your heart pounding and you might even start shaking and get tingling as adrenaline is pumped around your body and you’re on high alert. What was that? Am I safe? So that will kick in first.
And then of course our left brain nowadays goes, “What was that?” and it tries to problem solve at 100 miles an hour. And if we are prone to anxiety, often because of our background, things that we have experienced in life, then if it’s prone to maybe higher levels of anxiety, when we sense that something may not be right, well, that left brain will kick in even more and just go at a million miles an hour. What’s the answer? What’s the answer? How do we fix this? What if this happens? What if that happens? Oh my goodness.
Three o’clock in the morning, 24 hours a day, it becomes harder to concentrate on things because our left brain wants an answer. It’s still sensing that we are not safe.
Now, of course we live in a world where there’s not too many sabre-toothed tigers floating around, but that danger from eons ago has now been replaced by stress and life in modern society — financial stress, all sorts of things. We live in that left brain all day. Like for many of us, it’s go, go, go, from morning until night. And very rarely do we exercise that right brain, which can help us calm a little bit.
Is it calming? Not really. It just has that ability to be more present right here, right now. And the spinoff of that tends to be that we feel calmer and we can have greater clarity of thinking and a bigger picture on what may be best for us in that particular moment. A greater range of options that the left brain doesn’t. It just wants an answer now, now, now, now.
So that to me is what anxiety is about, okay? It’s like an overactive body and mind. Again, just beautifully doing what they are designed to do. Drama llama going at 100 miles an hour, trying to protect us with lots of what ifs. What’s the answer? Yes. Oh, wow. Okay.
How to Tame the Drama Llama: The TAME Process
So hopefully that’s a little bit helpful. So how do we tap into the right brain so that we feel a little bit calmer, we are more present, and we have the ability to manage those thoughts, feelings, and emotions and sensations in our body? How do we tap into it?
Well, it’s a process I call TAME, because we’re gonna tame the drama llama.
T – Tag
As soon as you notice something coming on — a heightened awareness, a pounding heart, an overactive mind, you got distracted, whatever’s gonna work for you to notice it first — tag it and try and do it from a place of noticing. “I notice I’m feeling anxious. I notice my mind is going at 100 miles an hour. I notice that my heart is pounding.” So T is for tag.
A – Accept
Then A is to accept that that’s what I am experiencing at the moment. It’s not about trying to fight it, control it, fix it, make it go away. You’ve probably tried to do that many, many times. It seems to be better at times like that to accept it, because our body and mind are just doing what they are designed to do. So we accept it. “Okay, I notice I’m getting a little anxious. All right, I accept that.”
A – Action (Connect with Your Body)
And then we action it by connecting with our bodies. It just happens to be a really good way to come back to the present moment. And we can do this anywhere, anytime. It really is quite simple.
And you can do that by wriggling your toes. I mean, if you try it now, just wriggle your toes. I think you’ll agree that when you wriggle your toes, so much of your attention comes back to the fact that right here, right now, I’m wriggling my toes. And maybe a couple of slower, deeper breaths, because that will say to that autonomic nervous system, the fight, flight, freeze response, “You know what? It’s not as bad as what we thought,” because if we were being chased by a saber-tooth tiger, we’d be breathing really quickly to get as much oxygen into our body as we can. So if you slower breathe, then it says to your body, maybe things aren’t as bad as what we are.
So we connect with our body. You wriggle your toes, slower, deeper breathing. Do that for as long as it takes to feel as though you’re connecting back with your body. So that was T, wasn’t it? T, A — accept and action, come back into your body.
M – Make Room for the World
M is make room for the world around you, because you’ll get that sense when you come back into your body and you sort of come out of this anxiety story — sort of that’s now over there, it’s still happening, but you know, we have a look around and there’s a world out there. So make room for the world. Just focus a little bit on maybe some things that you can see. Just focus your attention on a particular object, or look out the window and see what the weather’s doing at the moment, or maybe listen to a couple of sounds. Just get that sense that increasingly I’m coming back to the present moment. So that was M, make room for the world.
And with practise, you will start to feel calmer and a greater clarity of thinking right here, right now.
E – Engage
So that brings us to the E, isn’t it? T-A-M-E. E is engage with the world. No, engage in something constructive, sorry. Engage in something that is gonna benefit your wellbeing right here, right now. And just trust that process.
It could well be “I’m going to get a glass of water,” or “I’m just gonna get up and move my body, move some of the journaling around, release that energy.” It could be with that clarity that comes in the present moment, with that overwhelmingness you had a moment ago, there’s actually one thing that you can do right here, right now to sort of help that situation that suddenly became overwhelmingly anxious a moment ago. So trust that process, all right?
Putting It Into Practice
Now that’s TAME. And again, it’s not about getting rid of it, fixing it, controlling it, making it go away. I’m sure you’ve tried that many, many times if you are prone to anxiety or you’ve had those anxious moments where the mind goes at 100 miles an hour.
If there is an answer right here, right now, fantastic, take that. But if there isn’t — like I’ve got to wait a week to get those reports back from the doctor, or we’ve applied for the bank, we’re struggling a bit financially, I’ve got an appointment in two days time, or the boss wants to meet up with me. Is it gonna be something about my performance in three days time? We can’t do anything about that right now. Can we really, as in have the ultimate answer that’s gonna make us feel safer and more in control?
So at times like that, doing something like TAME is brilliant. And you can do it anywhere, any time, you know? You’re out and about, wriggle your toes, slow deep breathing. Just take a pause, have a look around you, okay?
But it takes practise because the left brain and the autonomic nervous system, they’re designed to kick in first, that’s fine. Be kind and compassionate to yourselves. Understand and accept that and try something like TAME to help manage it.
I hope that was helpful. If you would like to know more, please feel free to go to my website, marklachie.com. I’ll put it up here on the screen because I have a free ebook, a quick guide to how to do this that you can download. And it’s got links to audio recordings as well of me taking you through that TAME process.
I’ve started up this YouTube channel to help people experiencing a whole range of uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, emotions, sensations, etc., anxiety, depression, stress, the list goes on. TAME works for so many things. And that’s my main purpose in starting up this YouTube channel.
So please feel free to comment below. I’ll monitor those, even if you are not sure about some aspect of TAME and you wanna know more, leave a comment below. But also feel free to go to marklachie.com and download that free ebook because it’s got all of these instructions in there and more, and I’m sure you will find it helpful.
Okay, you may have noticed my beard’s growing a little bit more. I mean, I put up a video the other week about my ugly face because I had to have some skin treatment. I shaved my head, I shaved everything. And then I came out in red blotches everywhere. But I thought, no, I’m gonna do a video on this because I felt so insecure and anxious. So have a look at that one. But similar process, I use TAME as well.
All right, hope that has helped and I’ll see you next video.